Notes on Obsessions and Rules

what haunts you and more

I’m very inconsistent with my newsletters but I’ve finally figured out when I send them. It is only when I’m so hopelessly enamored with something that it occupies my subconsciousness every waking hour and I have too many thoughts too disconsolate to be a conversation. And today, I’m thinking about obsessions.

Writing update: Obsessions, fallow periods etc

I’ve always been driven by seemingly temporary but very intense obsessions; a few weeks ago, I was tracing the lineage of pandas and today, I’m researching recipes. It is a fickle existence, perhaps why I tend to be genre agnostic in my reading and writing.

My stories tend to be obsessions I choose to follow, usually things that I don’t exactly have the words to describe. My fallow periods tend to be when I’m between brainrots.

Unfortunately, I’m between brainrots at the moment.

Now, intellectually, I know that fallow periods are essential for my process. I need to consume, eat and let myself be eaten in return to create good stories. It is a place of rebirth, I feel, where you shed the parts that no longer fit you as a writer and embrace new styles, motifs and themes. Your critical eye also develops, where you are more cognizant of fiction than ever before but your creative skills hasn’t caught up yet, leading to a painful standoff. While this feeling is intensely uncomfortable, it is unavoidable in making art, especially if you are striving to improve. Growth is never painless, it is extending bones and stretching roots and you have to hurt to grow.

Knowing all of this doesn’t make it any easier, though. But as they say, the only way out is forward.

I’m reaching the end of my novel but it has been a difficult journey as I try to wrap up everything in a way that makes sense to me. I’m hoping that the next time I write to you, I will be done with it. It is a bittersweet feeling because I have carried this story in me for over two years now and while I do still love it, we have both grown weary of each other.

I am also leaning deeper into dark fiction; while I’ve always written dark fantasy, I’ve been hesitant to move into horror. I am a scared person and the genre, when I grew up at least, was not for the wusses.

It has been interesting to reach out and claim horror. I am learning what to take and discard, and where exactly I operate. You don’t have to take all of it, especially when you are a marginalised author. However, if you choose to, you can reclaim it as your own. I certainly am not going to carry Lovecraft’s burden in my horror but I am looking forward to reclaiming the gothic as my own.

Reading & Watching

Novels

I am currently reading Holly Black’s Prisoner’s Throne. I love Black’s work, in her inhumanely beautiful worlds and monstrous delights. So far, I’m having a lot of fun. Being a successor protagonist for a bestselling series is not easy but Oak carries his mantle well. He is a delightful, distinct from Jude, and I’m excited to see how the story progresses.

Short stories

As for short stories, here are a few I think about constantly.

When Swords Had Names by Stephen Graham Jones- When Swords Had Names delights in the horrific potential of a moment. That is all I will say about this story.

Linden Honey, Blackcurrant Wine by MR Robinson- Linden Honey, Blackcurrent Wine is tender but with a lingering hurt. If you want to catch some of the yearning of your soft, queer breakups, give it a read.

Watching

I started Scavenger’s Reign and Haunting of The Hill House, both horrifying, atmospheric and great! I’m also following along Agatha All Along, which is incredibly fun!

I’ll keep you updated on how I’ll feel about the rest.

Until next time,

Rukman